Author's note: The third chapter is finally here--And honestly; this is a very short chapter however I decided to keep this one short and sweet therefore the next chapter is going the third/ 3rd free practice qualification chapter and then after that; there is going to be the featured race chapter.
Anyway; keeping it short and sweet on the third chapter.
Trigger Warning: Mentions of Qatar 2023.
X: @GoAllisha
Tumblr: https://aggold15hi01.tumblr.com/
"Can we talk? I need to see you at the hospitality building." James ask me while I am sealing my lips as tightly as I could possibly can; feeling as if I am feeling truthfully even more inexpressive than how I usually am right now based on the present situation between James and I plus I did felt as if I did actually wanted to puke out of nowhere all because of how my current team principal wanted to see me right now.
Despite how I am now feeling cool, calm; collected and nonchalant all at the same time externally except on the inside: all I did wanted to simply say the word 'No' and just go back to the hotel where I am now staying with Ben and his family; however because of what had happened to Alex today with the intense accident; I knew how the scenarios would had gone down.
I knew he would hand both the car and the seat to Alex while I on the other hand; had to be sidelined to watch the whole event and yet this does washes me with another waves with the same sickening feeling of both numbness and tension which it is the type of type of feeling I had experienced it before in my very own life but now . . . I already had experienced it from today alone as if I am experiencing it at a whole new level to the point where I did wanted to rip off my racing suit; change back into my civilian attire; go back to the hotel where Ben and I along with Ben's family are staying at and then curl myself up into a fetal position and hiding under the duvets while letting both James and the team know that I am feeling truthfully sick and yet letting Alex taking both my car and my seat obviously for the third free practice and qualifying on Saturday then comes Sunday with the feature race--I want Alex to take both my seat and my car while I'll let everyone know that I am feeling too sick to simply race.
Except . . . the only problem is I don't think I could get away with such behaviors like this if I did told James like that and yet it did sounded both unprofessional and childish of me to simply come up with a poor excuse to simply sit out of the race all because of how I am faking sickness to pretend I didn't feel well to simply do the racing.
Plus the only time I can skip out a race is if I am feeling truly sick just as when we are talking about Qatar 2023 when I am feeling truthfully sick and by the time when it is the day of the featured race which is Sunday then this is where I did fell sick unfortunately and honestly I did truthfully and noticebaly remembered how I told James how I am not exactly feeling well then this is where James had told me he wanted to call it a day and bring me in to look after me despite how he had said that I did bravely fought the day before mentioning the part where he wanted to bring me in and looking after me due to how I am feeling truly unwell on that day however I did told him I promise that I can pretty much do the whole race in my own power except unfortunately the situation had escalated to the point where suddenly my sickness did overpowered me to the point where I told my race engineer on how I say 'I don't feel well, man.' And then he told me 'It is my choice to either retire from the race or to risk continuing on' however with the concern of my health condition is shadowing me; I decided to abandon halfway through the race due to my health concern and health priority; this is where I did apologize to both the team and my race engineer for not completing the race and he told me 'It's fine it's fine' before I reacted with an 'Argh!!!' then he added 'It's okay, it's okay' before the mechanics and Ben helped me out of the car and walk me to the back of the garage before I had to go for a medical check up and a few days of recovery before Austin, Texas.
That was the scariest moment of my life if not one of the biggest blessing I too have it in my very own life.
Not to mention this is an event I didn't want to bring it up again however . . . with so many people wanting to bring up the topic; I would also let them know that not finishing the race does feels like a mistake at times however for this particular race back in 2023; I would say . . . looking back now; it does feels like a blessing in disguise as well since I decided to simply retire not only due to my health concern but also how I am feeling scared of what would had happened if I did continued racing on and I didn't want to risk taking my own life by taking a heavy risk of continuing on with the racing so I decided to retire from the race not only due to my health concern but also due to how both my life and my health are much more important than the racing part as well.
But now with only one car left with an undamaged chassis? I don't know . . . I'll probably leave it to Alex but then again; who knows, maybe he wanted to Alex to drive and take my seat; may be he wanted him to be the main driver for the whole team while I, on the other hand; am going to be sidelined as I am going to truly miss the third free practice as well as qualification on Saturday and Sunday; I'll be missing the whole featured race as I do have to watch it from the sideline as well.
"Yes, sir; I am coming." I replied; suddenly feeling even more waves of anxiousness washing all over me just as when I tried to catch a wave which is twice as big as the waves of Pe'ahi/ Jaws surf break which is located at the island of Maui which is located the Northern part of Maui without the help of the jet ski then all of the sudden--bam! The waves hit me so hard which I did ended up getting an intensely deep surf wipe out I had to truly experience it both mentally and spiritually as well in my very own life.
As I followed him to hospitality building; I am feeling truthfully uneasy; I do wish Ben can follow me to the hospitality building for both the moral support and also the company I do needed as well however because not only the reason the is my trainer but he is also someone whom I do wanted to turn to him for both the encouragement and help however since he isn't the problem nor he is someone who is involved with the current situation then I probably think it is best to keep him out of this racing business and yet I truthfully it isn't going truly happen obviously on how Ben is going to accompany me while I am entering the hospitality building to Jame's office clearly.
After all; if he wasn't involved with the problem then why do I need him to truly get involved with the whole problem?
I'd think it is best to let it just be me and James to be the pair who is solving this problem instead of having Ben to get involved in such situation where he wasn't truthfully involved in at all--after all he has been my mentor; trainer and uncle however I didn't want to get him involved into something he wasn't truly involved in then therefore I am going to let him stay in his own lane for this case obviously.
Thus then this is where the confrontation between me and James had begun.
~
"Now, have a seat; Logan." He said while I take one of the pair of seats; sitting down in front of my team principal; feeling the same instant feeling as if I am being sent over to the school principal's office for what I had done despite how I hadn't done anything wrong obviously.
But then again; I did felt as if I am the one who did cause all of the burden of the team obviously.
"Now, Logan . . . " He said just as when I am taking a very deep breath to not only hold my breath of what he is going to truly say next but also at the same time; I am also wondering what is he going to truly say next.
Perhaps letting Alex take over my seat and take over my car obviously for the 3rd free practice; qualification and race as well.
"I know this is a very tough decision . . . but . . ."
I nodded; feeling scared i might make a move or noise or worse; both.
"With Alex had to do a medical check up and he is feeling truthfully healthy thankfully; the decision we are going to make it here on what is going to happen on Saturday . . ."
"I knew it, I knew it; I knew it. He is going to take my car and my seat for Saturday and Sunday." I thought to myself just as I heard an evil but a scary said to me "You aren't going to be good enough, Logan Sargeant."
Meanwhile there is another voice on the other side whispering to me in a deep soft voice which does sounds like an American accent: he did told me softly: "Remember Logan, you just need to know that your time has come, my dear. Even if you are sidelined; your time will come; I promise you; all you got to is to be patient, my child."
"We are going to . . ."
"I knew it, I knew it for sure. Alex is going to take my car and my seat as well." I thought dejectedly; now feeling the heavy sinking feeling in my very own stomach and then I heard the same scary voice which he had said evilly: "ha ha, I won!"
I wish i can shut my own inner demons up and just mind my own business clearly and focus on what I can control too as well in my very own life.
"We are going to let you drive for the very first time in your F1 career." He announced while I tried to stay awake from a haze of sleepiness I had experienced it earlier while he is making the announcement as well.
"Oh wow, you got to be kidding me." I replied to James; while feeling a mixture of both shock and surprised that I am now truthfully experienced it in my very own life.
"No, I'm not kidding; we originally wanted Alex to drive the car and take your seat however after holding a team meeting then all of the sudden; this is where I had decided to truthfully let you drive the car and be in the third free practice as well as qualification on Saturday and the featured race as well on Sunday."
"Wow, I am feeling surprised and shocked as well."
"Yes, but since we only have one car left with an undamaged chassis then we'll let you drive for the very first time in your F1 and racing career as well; Logan."
"Really, no way!"
"Yes, and I know this isn't the news you are expecting but we wanted to make sure Alex is feeling truthfully mentally well in his very own terms so in the meantime . . . go take some rest or better yet; go celebrate the part where you are going to truly take over his seat and drive Alex's car as well; Logan."
"Thank you, James; never expected it but thank you very much for that though."
"No, thank you for having to enter into your second season of Formula 1."
"Sure, no problem; sir." I replied while I got up from the chair to head out of the hospitality building.
~
"Ben?" I ask while I entered the motorhome where he is now sitting at the couch where it is located at the team motorhome where it does have my name on it as well as the number 2 at the end of my surname.
"Logan; did you have good news?" He ask me while giving me a huge hug as well."
"I did; unexpectedly but . . . let's just say I am going to drive in the 3rd free practice; qualification and the race as well."
"Yes, I knew you could get the seat; kid." He replied to me while we exchanged a high five meets a secret hand shake combo we would always exchange as well.
I chuckled; I didn't expect how Ben is truthfully feeling excited about how I unexpectedly gotten the seat however he did felt as if I am the one who is going to get the seat obviously instead of Alex.
I don't know if either god had heard my prayers or calls or perhaps it is maybe the distressing situation with one of the cars being severely damaged thus this does truly calls an emergency meeting on who would drive the car and guess what? I am the one who would get to truly drive the car for the very first time in my very own life as well.
Plus I am feeling truthfully nervous about how am I going to drive solo for the very first time however I knew I am going to do this for the very first time as well..
"You okay, Logs?" He ask me while using one of my nickname 'Logs'.
"Yeah, I'm okay but right now . . . I am feeling truthfully numb right now." I replied while trying my best to realistically remain upbeat and sounding equally upbeat and grateful for the opportunity as well.
However because I do have a very long day from a pair of free practice session; all I want to truthfully do is to take off my racing suit, my fireproof undershirt; change into my civilian attire; head back to the hotel; have dinner with either Ben and his family or perhaps have dinner alone in my hotel room just as when I am having room service as well.
"Ah, how about we can just go back to the hotel and we'll have dinner then after that; you can rest for tomorrow, shall we?" He ask me with a smile on his face.
"Oh please do; I 'd think I am feeling worn out from the whole day as well."
He nodded; patting my back with his words as his response to my earlier on sentence of: "I understand, Logan and I don't blame you; Logan." Then he chuckled before I turned to him and give him a tired smile as well.
~
After arriving back to the hotel and having dinner together at a restaurant at the streets of Melbourne; we decided to head back to the hotel where we both headed back to our respective hotel rooms and I do wanted to contact Alex on how he is truthfully feeling however I couldn't do it because I knew he already has an equally long worn out day as well.
I contacted my family about how i did managed to get the seat for the third free practice and qualification for tomorrow then the next day; the day after tomorrow: I'll be racing on my very own for the very first time in my very own F1 career as well.
Plus they are feeling truthfully very happy to hear the good news from me despite how they have heard the sad news of how he (Alex) had to be sidelined for the very first time as well.
Although this isn't the first time Alex does have a scary experience; he too had experienced loads of scary experience he had went through in his very own life and yet this is where I did told him about how 'life does sometimes feels like an actual surf ride'; he didn't truly what I am saying; I worried if I did spoke in a foreign language however he did told me he did understood what I am saying but didn't understood the part on 'How does life does sometimes feels like an actual surf ride' ever since he wasn't very much of a surfer plus I on the other hand; am the opposite of Alex as I am very much of a surfer too as well as a man whom he is very into water activities too as well as fishing.
After contacting them the good news and what had happened today; I shut off my phone, the television and also the ceiling lights before I head into the shower to take a long warm shower; washed my face; brushed my teeth and then doing the writing in my very own diary which usually I don't do it because of how people would think it is truthfully embarrassing however in reality; I did truthfully enjoyed writing in my very own diary and also, I did felt as if I did wrote a letter to someone whom they don't truly know me very well and vice verse on how I don't know them very well however I did felt as if writing in a diary does help me a lot in my very own life as well.
After writing in my diary entry; it is lights out and I am heading off to bed.
