Author's note: Decided to write this out because I don’t feel like writing on my computer personally additionally why do I rather write it more so on the MacBook Pro than on the house computer? I don’t know, maybe I did changed a lot thus I am not having the urge of doing a writing on a Computer/ Desktop/ PC and more so on a laptop thus I decided to do this writing.
Originally I wanted to do this writing yesterday however instead . . . I just don’t feel like doing the writing mostly because I do wanted to do my art and getting my rest as well personally in my life thus I decided to do this on here.
Written from both character's point of view.
Enjoy this writing from me to you.
(*Author’s note: On a personal note: I'm sorry about how some of the parts I am writing are really awful yet it just felt more like a drag more so than an excitement thus I'm sorry again for how my writing does felt as when you are dragging an invisible weight as a personal struggle thus it does felt like a drag.
Oh, and I apologize for going out of topic in the story because I am not very good with staying with the plot or the summary of the story thus I WILL RANDOMLY WRITE out of nowhere.)
*Update on 9th October 2020 from the author: I'd think this story is about how self love can be powerful ever since she asked Chaz about did he ever get jealous of her with another guy except instead: he wasn’t jealous at all plus sharing advice on how powerful self love is which is the title of the miscellaneous writing I decided to go for plus there is surfing, obviously because what is Hawaii without the surfing?
Disclaimer: This is only a work of fiction therefore there is no need to take it seriously as if this happens in real life.
Paula's P.O.V
"Do you ever get jealous of me?" I ask Chaz while he is waxing his surfboard on a beautiful long light blue surfboard which is in River Blue as we both are now at Tracks beach park where there aren’t too many people except for the locals who are very protective of the area plus Chaz and I--we both learn how to treat them the way we both wanted to be treated yet vice versa on how they wanted us to treat them the way they wanted to be treated by us as they are protective over the areas where they didn't want tourism to destroy the place yet retaining their local charms as a secret which they can only share with anyone who is really good at keeping at secrets properly instead of promising to keeping the secret and suddenly they did something on the unthinkable on going around and sharing the secret with other people.
"No, why? Why would you ask me this question?" He replied to me, looking confused as when I am asking a question on something I truthfully don’t know yet something Chaz would know.
"I . . . I don’t know . . . I mean would be jealous of me personally just when you found out that I am with another guy except the guy is not part of the Hawaii Men’s Volleyball team personally nor he is a guy who studies or been studied and graduated from the University of Hawaii personally. What do you think?"
"Wow, since when you ask me on a guy who is coming from elsewhere except he is neither from Hawaii nor he is studying or graduated from the University of Hawaii?"
He looks at me with a very confused look on his face.
"Sorry, I am just asking: Chaz."
"No worries, it's cool--I tend to get nervous whenever you ask me about anything had to do with jealousy."
"Yeah, it's okay; I'm sorry Chaz."
~
Chaz's P.O.V
Whenever I ask her to go surfing with me, she normally seems to be really genuinely excited and happy about going surfing however today is one of those days where she looks as if there is something is upsetting her.
I don’t know does this had something to do with her past back in New York city back when she is still living with her mom mostly because her dad needs to look for a place to call it home; since those days when she used to live in New York city--she hadn’t been feeling happy at all due to how her mom didn’t gave her anything she needed just as what her dad said on new, fresh and clean clothes as well as a lot of books for her to read, learn something new as well art supplies for her to create so many different arts except her mom didn’t give her anything and making her looking terrible while playing the victim card when her dad managed to arrived at their apartment where she along with her mom are living plus there is one more person whom is also living in the apartment as well however instead of a new man as what I suspected--it turns out the person is either three years younger than her or four years younger as well plus I doubt it might be a sister because I know when we have a conversation about her past as well as her family--she told me she had a younger sibling she seldom spoke about for a really long period of time however when I thought it is a younger sister--she told me it wasn’t a younger sister--it is a younger brother which she seldom spoke about.
I’m not exactly sure why she didn’t spoke about her family except for her dad whom now I known he is an attorney/ a lawyer who is originally born and raised from the *United Kingdom/ England (*Depends on how you call it.) with a happy, amazing; secure: loving and outgoing family yet he decided to go to Stanford University which is located up North in the San Francisco Bay area; California for his studies on Law then he headed out to New York for law school in addition to meeting her mom for the very first time plus I am still wondering who is her mom as if I wanted to know about her about how did she ended up in New York City, what is her family background; what is her childhood is like and so on and so forth.
But I don’t know is it ever going to happen ever since her mom isn’t someone who is willing to share her personal story about how she go to New York City, what did she study as well as what is her job; what does her family looks like: what is her family background, why she didn’t care about her daughter personally yet cares more about her son plus there are so many questions I wanted to ask her however I don’t think it is going to happen as Paula told me her mom is a very private person when it comes to her own life story.
Perhaps maybe when I meet her dad one day then maybe I can ask him about the story about his family background, his ex-wife's background (*Yes, recently; I remember when we had a very long conversation about her family background about a couple nights ago however I just didn’t remember when personally.) and so much more however I don't know when I am going to meet him ever since we both are still building our relationship together additionally plus I don’t know when she is going to Seattle which is her actual hometown in addition to bringing me with her.
I know whenever she is feeling clouded by her own thoughts; sometimes I might think this has something had to do with her past on her family or maybe there is someone who makes her feeling genuinely uncomfortable yet perhaps at some point--perhaps the person does seems to be upsetting her? Then I'll have to talk to her about who is the person on being responsible for upsetting her yet wanting making others lives miserable all due to the personal insecurities as well as having the feeling of resentment on a particular problem they are suffering from the past in their life on either they have a problem with someone; particularly maybe it might be either a family member they are holding a grudge against out of resentment and insecurities; a former friend who might be the person whom perhaps they might have a fall out in addition to throwing a pinch of salt on the wound on perhaps the person maybe feeling so jealous about how he-she take the person whom they are falling for: another point is when the person is definitely is jealous about how the other person had such a different personal life compared to the main person based on their life story.
Plus sometimes the person might have the same situation with how they gone through a situation which may sounds similar on the experience of abuse just like Paula except unlike her; perhaps maybe they might experience a deeper experience of abuse for example; how one of the parent might be absent from their life as well as how they actually ignored the person in their past as when they are feeling abandoned yet unloved from their parents; in addition to how their parents sow seeds of doubts on them as this method may known to be as gaslighting: leading their children on growing up into difficult adults who are having a difficult adapting into the adulthood yet they are enduring the pain they are suffering from their parents and their past except people may judge their behavior as crazy, stupid and worst of all--they just think they are either drama kings or drama queens however they are NOT crazy; they are just suffering from the pain they are enduring from their past yet they didn’t have a good childhood as their parents are too suffering from the pain they are enduring from their past however when they tried to talk about it--people are just being so rude for making judgmental comments about their behavior as well as thinking when they sharing their story--they just think they can make fun of them for sharing the story but abuse is never EVER GOING to be OKAY--EVER. [POINT BLANK PERIOD.]
I don’t know what seems to be clouding her by asking me about did I ever personally get jealous about seeing her with another guy.
Well the answer is . . . Personally my answer is it depends on who is she dating: if the person does treats her well as well as treating others well with a lot of authentic respect and kindness as well being truthfully well-trusted to everybody including their family, their friends and others who are in the person in their circle, that's fine because I do want people to treat others with so much respect, kindness and gratitude as well as generosity plus being an truly well-trusted person towards everybody as well as to himself/ herself then I am cool with it as long as my beautiful girlfriend have a long, ever lasting and original yet a happy, healthy and wonderful yet positive relationship between each other.
However, if this have something to do with a guy who can’t even be genuine with everyone else yet just when they do something unexpected yet the unthinkable as well as causing trouble to their family and friends as well as trying to cover up their mistake by blaming someone in addition to how they can get jealous about how the other have something the main person don’t have in their life yet they can become controlling overtime over a couple of months or years as the person starts controlling their partner based on their lifestyle; plus wait: there are more. What about cheating on your partner as well as having a lot of heated argument between you and your partner? That's just not completely healthy for a relationship--it isn’t something I want to see how I wanted to see other people plus I know I shouldn’t be in other people business on their relationship however sometimes you don’t know what goes behind the closed doors between the two people who at first they are in a happy and healthy relationship however it turns out there is an unexpected turn on their relationship.
When it comes to jealousy, this is a very good question.
Do I tend to get jealous of the other guy or the other girl in a relationship personally? It depends.
For some; whenever the main guy or the main girl gets jealous; it might go down with either the main person likes another guy or another girl yet they are either flirting or spending more time together than with their original partner plus sometimes it may be something have to do with how the main guy/ girl would buy gifts for the 'other' guy/ girl then the main partner might be jealous about the other person plus sometimes their jealousy might be more so than how they get annoyed about how their partner likes the other person more so than the main person--it is mostly what kind of personal pain the main person might be suffering from their childhood plus we don’t know about their personal childhood stories since we not only didn’t ask the question we wanted to ask them however when the person explain about their personal story of their childhood--there are people who are either ended up laughing at their story, making judgmental comments as well as not acknowledging the comment they made might have hurt the other person based on their story plus when the person is talking about anything really serious shouldn’t be joked about or something to make a joke about as well as knowing they shouldn’t blurt out a comment which does really hurt the person who did explain their personal story in addition to causing more damage to the person internally more so than any good to them personally.
Plus when she did ask me the question yet adding the information on how the other guy might be from another college or another university based on where they are studying as well as did I ever get jealous about the other guy, personally I would answer definitely not because for me--I am not much of a jealous person however if she actually likes another guy more so than me then I would say it is mostly on the inside; I am feeling jealous of her and the other guy however on the outside; I am feeling neutral because I'd think the other person does deserve to be happy and so did she since everybody needs to have a person who they can have a truly happy, healthy: loving yet a real relationship with each other--even when they argue about a few times then it's okay as long as they can work together on their relationship after all; relationships can take a lot of work between you and the other person thus if you and the other person can’t work on the relationship then it is more of a challenge than you think.
"It’s okay: Paula--I would say . . ."
She looks at me; genuinely feeling nervous about how am I feeling about the other guy being in love: well, if she loves the other guy a lot and vice versa then I'll let her go and let her have a happy, healthy; positive, peaceful and wonderful relationship however if this is me and another girl then it might be another story at this point.
"I would say personally . . . definitely no, I am not jealous about the other person you like plus when you love the other person then I'll definitely let you go and we'll still be friends: plus if the other guy didn’t like you or either maybe he might not be into you then you might need to acknowledge about the reason on why are you drawn to the this guy plus how did you get magnetically drawn to this person additionally ask yourself the questions about why is he not all that into you--perhaps maybe there is something personal which needs to work on; maybe it is either he needed to work on something personal or maybe it might be you need to work on something personal then instead of trying to go after the guy you like yet he wasn’t into you; it is best for you to let him or her go yet working on your personal just as when you are building your personal self up."
"Oh."
"Think of it like building a garden of your own, just when you plant your favorite plants: you need to give your plants lots of love by watering them as much as possible additionally giving them loads of sunlight as well because without water and sunshine; none of the plants would survive in your very own garden without the two important/ essential ingredient as you let them wilt."
She didn’t say anything; feeling confused about how self love can be the same with having your very own garden and giving the plants lots of love by watering it as daily as possible in addition to giving them sunlight for it to grow properly.
"Thus instead of letting yourself listen to the negative comments from other people of what they think of you personally, think of how there is something good about you yourself by asking this question: "What do you love about yourself?" Do you have a great sense of humor: are you a kind hearted person who would love to help others; do you do well in your studies and so on and so forth. Just remember this is very important for you to understand; sometimes self love can be instantly felt similar to taking care of your own garden or your own tree."
"Oh, now I truthfully get it: Chaz." She finally replied to me.
"Yes, because my parents taught me so much as well as my two sisters on my older sister Cambria and my younger sister *Alaia." (*Name changed due to privacy concern.)
"Wow, no wonder you do share a lot of these advice everywhere you go."
"Exactly; I mean . . . when you are a parent; it is really important for you to be a good mom or a good dad to teach your kids to learn to become a well and great minded person yet being a person who not only can be a person with so much great ideas as well as sharing the advice with others plus spreading nothing but kindness towards others as well."
"Wow, you are so lucky: Chaz."
"Yeah, I mean . . . I am happy and thankful to have a family who can taught me be a great minded yet a kind hearted person as well though it is sad to see how other families didn’t have anything like this kind of family yet they are enduring the personal pain they are suffering from in the past of their childhood years--whether is it absent parents, parents who shows favoritisms and so on and so forth; I just couldn’t bear seeing them on how sad they are suffering from all of the pain they are enduring during their past of their childhood years."
"Exactly, I understand how they felt and what they are exactly going through personally."
"Yeah."
~
Paula's P.O.V
Just when there is a moment of silence between us, Chaz decided to do warm ups before going out to surf in the water.
"Hey, hey: do you want to go surfing; sweetie?" He ask me, snapping out of my personal train of thoughts.
"Huh? Oh sorry, Chaz: I am lost in my own thoughts."
"It's okay, I am wondering if you do want to go surfing since we still need to do warm ups."
"Oh: I mean yes, I still want to go surfing definitely, Chaz."
"Sure; I'll definitely help you out."
"Thank you."
"Hey, what are friends for . . . or should I say . . . couples for?"
I tried not to laugh except I ended up laughing and answered "Definitely, I mean what are couples in a happy and healthy relationship for!"
"Oh yeah? We'll see who have the best wave out there!"
"Or maybe we'll see who have the most fun out there, Chaz!"
We both laughed yet it is hard for us to focus on the warm ups however we did managed to ace the warm ups properly after we lost focus on the warm ups; twice.
Subsequently, we both go into the water and start paddling before we can start our surf session at Tracks Beach Park.
