Author’s note: This writing is (may be) a work of fan fiction however this fan fiction does cope with mentions of Seasonal Affective Disorder, mentions on the signs of becoming burn out; having the suffer from the drainage of energy additionally having to deal with self-abuse on abusing yourself with the positive energy and not having to deal with the negative feelings in our life.
Plus there is a trigger warning on this story; it may contain mentions of Seasonal Affective Disorder; depression as well as having to experience the drainage and burn outs in particular therefore this work of Fan Fiction may not be suitable for younger readers or readers who are very sensitive towards any type of strong topics mentioned here.
If you or anyone you know had suffered from any signs of distress from; please contact from the list of helpline below.
And yes, I did mention the part about how life can be dark sometimes as it is mentioned from a book I did read in particular on “Summer Bird Blue”.
Link to the fan post dialogue I did on my Tumblr on Satou and Allisha talking about being nervous and being prepared for the big games link:
Also I don't own any of the images or claiming that I own the image--credits of the helpline image goes to the original person who did create and upload the image on the internet.
Disclaimer: This is only a work of a fiction therefore there is no need to take it seriously as if this happens in real life.
This is part 1 of the writing here.
"Paula, if you are not feeling okay then let's talk about it: sweetie." Said Chaz while we both are now having a cup of peppermint tea that Chaz decided to make it for the both of us ever since neither of us are feeling asleep tonight ever since I have been going through a lot of mental bumps in life in the last few days plus he is getting truthfully worried about how am I feeling truthfully about my mental health recently over the last couple of days.
Chaz's coffee mug which he uses it now to drink his cup of peppermint tea is a beautiful surf art of a girl surfing at the Waikiki beach while my coffee mug design I drink the cup of peppermint tea from is actually a gift from one of Melinda's (Chaz's mum) client who knows that I am a big fan of the WNBA League as she ask her [Melinda] who I am rooting for as she told me she got a Dallas Wings white Coffee Mug with the hand written word engraved in gold on 'Golden Unicorn' as the word 'Golden' might be something have to do with Allisha Gray as she won a Gold Medal in the Tokyo Olympics on the 3x3 Basketball while the word "Unicorn" may have something to do with Satou as her nickname is the 'German Unicorn' as we may think she may have moved to Germany with her family at a really young age while she is originally born and raised in New York City.
Plus I love how their signature is also engraved in gold as they both pose together for a picture for the new, up and coming season ahead of them.
Although I didn't expect to get this is a gift however Chaz told me his mum/ mom originally want to give it to me as she plans on going to Honolulu but with work is getting in the way as a wedge between us--she decided to ship out the gift really carefully in addition to the other goods that one of her clients decided to send it to us as a complimentary gift plus we also got matching orange sweatshirts with the white WNBA Symbol on the centre of the sweat shirt which we wear it during the rainy days in Hawaii: a Washington Mystics coffee mug with the words 'MVP Duo' written in white in a graffiti font against the red background plus another two words on 'Distinct of Change' said just inches away from the 'MVP Duo' word {Yes, you can tell Washington Mystics color is red, navy blue and white} as it shows a picture of both Elena Delle Donne and Tina Charles posing together for the Mystics Team.
In addition to those gifts; she also bought for us 'Chicago Sky 2021 Champion' Tee Shirt for the both of us as well as she written in a hand written letter she did about how she got the T-Shirts too for his family and my dad too whom he decided to frame the shirt up back in Seattle, Washington State ever since he knows the WNBA is very important too.
Plus when he told the girls about how am I feeling; I felt as if I am being embarrassed about what am I going through in my own life recently; they both got worried about me too ever since what I am going through here lately in my life.
He had been worried about me lately ever since the days had gone shorter and the nights are growing longer ever since we are enter the much darker season here.
Already in Hawaii; it had been raining for days as the day light hours grows shorter while the long; dark nights are growing longer ever since we are entering the big wave season and Chaz is growing truthfully concerned about my mental health more than ever.
Although I didn't want him to worry, but he hated to see people getting emotionally fatigued and tired yet having to truthfully experience the burnout and the drainage of energy from how we have been holding on for so long.
"What do you mean, Chaz?" I ask him while we both are drinking our warm cup of peppermint tea as he turns on the TV and the DVD Player on My Scene goes Hollywood as it is playing in the background without any sounds ever since Chaz decided to mute the sound to let us talk properly ever since he is worried that I may not heard to a word he had said to me.
"Paula, I am just completely worried about you: it is like . . . you have become very different lately when the season has changed not too long ago. Katiana told me the other day you did look very clouded and feeling mentally burned out plus looking very drained at work when you are working at the Manoa bookstore on your shift--thus the manager gives you the time off to rest and re-charge your energy but you look very tired more and more recently which is something I noticed lately and this really concerns me a lot truthfully and heavily."
"Oh,"
He sighs quietly and looks at me properly to make proper eye contact with me while speaking: "Paula, sweetie: I know you have been letting us know that you are doing fine as you usually are however I noticed there is deep change in your behaviors as you become a lot less happy and more and more . . . unhappy plus I know it may be hard to feel the negative feeling or having to feel negative at times but is everything okay here? I am just truthfully feeling intensely scared that the way you may answer my question with the common two words on 'I'm fine' as you might add 'Don't worry about me'; 'I'll be fine': 'I'll do it myself' and all but I am just afraid that you may want to push yourself even further to the point where you suddenly felt as if you are holding onto being strong and feeling . . . genuinely strong for a really long period of time; sweetie."
I sigh and Chaz continued speaking with me with a wave of truthful sadness in his voice as his pair of dark chocolate brown eyes glistens with nothing but tears of sadness, worry and sympathy: "I know it is hard for me to say this but . . . I am worried you might say the word on 'I'm fine--don't worry about me and I'll be fine here; Chaz' but the question is 'are you mentally okay here'?"
While he takes a sip of his peppermint tea, I explained to him "Well, I would say I am mentally okay at all ever since I don't know what really makes me feeling very tired or what makes me feeling very less motivated and more fatigued; I wouldn't say that I am mentally strong here to be honest--I would say there is something a huge toll on me as I felt as if I am mentally . . . climbing a mountain without having an oxygen mask while having to go up as the higher the altitude goes; the amount of oxygen level starts to take a really sharp dip from here onwards."
'Or having the feeling of being in deep waters without any oxygen cylinder and having to go for several days; weeks and even months without having any food or water to survive as well as dealing with mother nature additionally having to live on a raft as the only refuge and shelter all I have left.' I thought quietly while Chaz continues watching me with a genuinely concerned look on his face as he drinks his cup of his peppermint tea he earlier made for the both of us.
"Oh." He replied while placing his cup of peppermint tea on a drink coaster which he place on the table as the drink coasters we have are actually a set we bought from Target which has beautiful art designs of the different areas/ regions on the island of Oahu as we too got a set too on Big Island of Hawaii, Maui [Plus Lanai and Molokai] and Kauai as well. (Which is considered to be our impulsive buys because whenever we go to Target together: I would always end up with such impulsive purchases for example; the drink coaster set I got on all of the islands of Hawaii plus Chaz decided to get a set of plate coaster as well ever since he wants to match our drink coaster sets as well; cleaning cloth as well in a set of five beautiful designs of the islands of Hawaii: Chaz had bought a cute miniature statue of Ruldoph surfing on a wave with a long board under his hooves as it says 'Mele Kalikimaka' written on the sign which mean it is 'Merry Christmas' in Hawaiian as he thought it is so cute for our apartment yet he told it is only available during the Christmas Season therefore he bought it days before Christmas Season additionally it is now placed on our bookshelf in the living room which fills the whole wall area of the mini corridor we have behind the sofa: plus there are so many impulsive purchases we got from Target ever since we both normally go to Target at Ala Moana whenever we go to Ala Moana Shopping Center at Honolulu. I'll do a writing it about it really soon on here.)
"Plus I know you may not understood what I am exactly talking here or you may not realize what I am talking here although . . . it does felt really similar here as you go up on the Koko Carter Stairway Trail or the more difficult trail of the Kuli'ou'ou ridge trail under the hot; blistering and humid weather we normally have during the dry months we have it here."
"Ouch, but it does feel like for me mentally nevertheless . . . I'm not so sure what makes me feeling really depressed lately thus although I manage to go back to Seattle for about a month to get further treatment from my therapist Amy however the weather at Seattle is much more colder than usually it is with the rain and it is now taking a really heavy toll on me to be honest plus normally I wouldn't mind the rain but the question is; Chaz . . ."
"Hmmm?"
"Do you think it is the rain or the raining season is taking a toll on me on my mental health here?"
He stretches up and sit next to me while the TV is now showing a scene where Lindsay, Madison and Ryan are now sitting down and talking at a club while the English subtitles/ close captions is on as this is what the subtitles says:
"Madison: No way, that's so cool!"
"Lindsay: Yeah, for like a minute; try going out for a coffee in your old baggy sweats when you barely slept and your hair is a mess and you'll see how cool it is then."
"Ryan: (*Chuckles*) Bring it on."
"Lindsay: He is such a guy."
"Madison: Totally."
"Ryan: Hey, Lindsay: don't look now but you're being gawked."
(*Camera move to Hudson and Ellis--they wave to Madison and Ryan*)
(*Camera go back to Ryan then to Madison*)
"Ryan (To Madison): Don't tell me you know those guys."
"Madison: Uh . . . Maybe."
As I watch the TV, wondering what are her friends are doing here while reading what the subtitles/ close captions said here; Chaz ask me the question while setting next to me as he place a soft surf cushion we bought it from Soha Living between the both of us and I look at him like what is he doing, he said to me "Sorry, my bad: I just want to place the cushion in between the both of us just in case if you didn't want me to touch you to be honest."
Author's note; I decided to split it into four parts because it is so hard for me to post it into one large post therefore I decided to post it into a four part post of this post as this is where Chaz and Paula are talking about mental health as Chaz is worried about why is she feeling unhappy whenever the darker season rolled around additionally they also talk about having to experience the negative feeling in addition to normalizing about having to feel the negative feelings and being negative. Plus this is the reason why I couldn't stand the positive quotes on trying to be happy these days thus I decided to write four part Fan Fiction up here.
