This is part 2 of the Fan Fiction on how we have a late night talk on what I am going through lately.
This writing is a work of fan fiction however this fan fiction does cope with mentions of Seasonal Affective Disorder, mentions on the signs of becoming burn out; having the suffer from the drainage of energy additionally having to deal with self-abuse on abusing yourself with the positive energy and not having to deal with the negative feelings in our life.
This is the part where she talks about how her own therapist Dr Amy who actually empathizes with her about having to go through the darkness yet feeling unhappy at the same time additionally they are also watching two of the "My Scene" movies on TV while drinking a cup of peppermint tea Chaz had made earlier additionally they talk about life can be dark sometimes in addition to self-abuse on forcing yourself to be positive.
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Disclaimer: This is only a work of a fiction therefore there is no need to take it seriously as if this happens in real life.
"Ah, it's okay--Chaz plus you did want to ask me something here; Chaz."
"Oh right, sorry; sweetie. What is it I need to ask you earlier?"
"I don't know what you want to ask earlier but you do realize it might be something have to do with how the rain is getting the best of me based on what I am going through here in particular."
"Oh yeah, you did mentioned earlier about how you went back to Seattle in the month of either October or November ever since you want to seek further treatment from your therapist Amy? I mean I remember by the time when you got back to Honolulu, you got pay up the November loans for the apartment additionally the bills as well ever since in October--you did manage to pay the bills and loans up way before you head off to Seattle, Washington ever since you have send me a text message when I am still at class back at University of Hawaii."
"Exactly and she told me the rain is now taking a very high toll on everybody yet she is wondering am I affected the rain so much as she told me she is very affected very deeply by the autumn and winter season on how there wasn't enough day light hours ever since Seattle does gets dark really quickly when the fall/ autumn season arrive in September plus the winter season too as well as it starts at the end of November and the beginning of December additionally I remember she told me about how she too had to go through the same thing especially during: "It is hard for everybody to cope with the darkness they have to face in their life including me, I too have to the darkness of my life in certain days where I have to go through the darkest moments of my life--not just as a therapist; but as a wife to my partner who I have been married for so many years already; a mom/mum to my own grown children; a daughter to my own family and a friend towards the circle of people I have as my 'close friends' today since my days at the University of Washington and Med School back when I was younger and most of all, having to go through all of these moments here as a true human being here too in particular."
"Wow, you can tell Dr Amy had been really help you ever since . . ."
"Ever since my dad have to move out to Seattle after having countless arguments and conflicts with my mum."
That's when he decided to put the cushion aside and get closer to me while wrapping his arm around me; he speak to me softly "Wow, Paula--I am really sorry to hear this from you additionally I felt as if may be the raining season is taking a toll on you or perhaps as what you said earlier about what she (Dr Amy) have mention something earlier about it might be the darkness does take a toll on everybody including herself on: "It may be darkness that might be taking a toll on her additionally it is hard for everybody to cope with the darkness for everybody including me as a therapist; a mum/ mom; a wife; friend; daughter, sister; cousin: niece and a human being most of all ever since the season is now getting a lot darker than it is before additionally we may not notice it when we are younger but now as we got older; it turns out it is no surprise for sure."
"You can say that again; Chaz."
"Exactly, I might think your therapist or counselor may have gone through a very similar experience ever since she had told you about how it is complex to deal with the darkness ever since many people does get sad whenever it gets dark so quickly including you and Dr Amy here."
"Yeah, exactly; Chaz--but the question is . . ."
"Is it because of the raining season in both Seattle and Hawaii or is it more so because of the darkness here in Honolulu and in Seattle?"
"I would say it might be how the days get dark so quickly ever since we are now in the darker season of both fall-autumn and winter season here: Chaz."
"Wow, I guess the answer is . . ."
"Darkness, the rain is a season where I don't mind too much about it or pay attention about it however when it comes to darkness; I did pay too much attention about it here: Chaz."
"Wow, sorry about that: Paula--I am really sorry to hear that from you additionally it is so . . . deeply sad yet truthfully painful to hear what you are actually going through right now."
"Yeah, I mean . . . physically I do look okay as if I am being rock solid however when it comes to my mental health then it may be . . . a very different story here: Chaz."
"Ouch, I'm really sorry to hear about that: Paula--I mean it is just so hard . . . but you know I have one of those days where I have to deal with a lot of dark moments in my life here; sweetheart."
"I-I'm sorry about that, Chaz; for hearing that from you about how you have to deal with countless amount of dark moments where you have to face the darkness here; Chaz Galloway." I replied softly while I get closer to him and wrap my arm around him.
"Yes and when you read the book on "Summer Bird Blue" by Akemi Dawn Bowman; you do acknowledge about *the part about how Rumi mentions that life can be dark sometimes when she is talking with Kai at a truck while she is grieving over the loss of her sister Lea." (*Author's note: I sincerely apologize for bringing that up if you haven't read the book yet however I decided to add this part anyway to this writing ever since life can get dark too as well here; there and every where.)
"Yes, how do you know?"
"You know Kai have to go to the military ever since there are no other options in Hawaii instead of catching his dreams and fulfilling his life with his own individual wishes he wanted to do in his very own life unfortunately it wasn't an option for him ever since he comes from Hawaii additionally the only other option other than going to the mainland for your studies and gaining a scholarship at a college or university yet graduating as well is mostly going to the military here and Rumi thinks that he shouldn't throw his life away ever since she knows she and her late sister Lea wanted to become musicians before the accident happened however after talking about it, she truthfully acknowledges that life can truthfully get dark sometimes thus life isn't always about a full-on sunshine 24/7 unless if you are living in the arctic circle or the antarctic circle therefore you got to experience living in full darkness and full light for months."
"Absolutely, even though she and I--we didn't face the darkness as she told me the darkness is something so complicated for everybody to face the music based on what they have to actually face the truth however we just don't completely know whether can we either get out of this darkness or having to see the light at the end of the tunnel."
"Exactly, people may think it is easy to see a light at the end of tunnel however the question how can we simply think there is going a light at the end of the tunnel ever since we really don't know how to face the darkness here."
"Absolutely; toxic positivity is very real as what they say here--there is always a light at the end of the tunnel however it wasn't always going to be very easy for any one to understand it here."
"Yeah, as what Rumi mention from the book of "Summer Bird Blue"--life can get dark sometimes in particular because we don't know what we are exactly going through in our own life here."
I nodded and replied softly "You got it, Chaz. It is hard for our mind to press the mental brake to truly slow down on understanding the full picture of what we are going through and asking ourselves are we exactly being okay mentally ever since we have to very much going through a lot of things in our life especially when it comes to moments when it tends to get dark."
"Just like how the winter season have arrived here." Adds Chaz softly as he looks up at the TV where now the girls are visiting Madison in her bedroom after knocking on her bedroom door so loudly thus Madison decided to let the girls in while she wallowing in self-pity for how Ryan decided to ditch her for the glitz and the glam of the Hollywood lifestyle yet having to party with a load of other women as we might think he wants to cheat on Madison plus to play games with her.
Here is what does the subtitles/ close caption says here:
(*Nolee pokes Delancy with her index finger on D's elbow*)
"Delancey: What? It's true."
"Nolee: I know but you don't have to rub it in."
"Madison: It's okay; I deserve it."
"Anyway . . ." Chaz continue talking while exhaling softly as I felt the warmth of his breath from his mouth.
"Paula . . ."
"Hmmm?"
"There is something I want to share with you here."
"Oh."
"Paula, did you know that whenever we get truly upset; we always tried to force fed ourselves mentally with the good feelings or the positive energy yet we are completely ignoring the negative feeling or . . . the negative experience that we are completely going through in our life?"
"Oh yeah, definitely and people may think it is good to be positive all the time however instead they do not completely understand what does it feels to be negative."
"Absolutely; I just felt as if so many people kept abusing themselves with nothing but the positive energy or the good thoughts here." He moan sadly as he looks at the TV where Ryan now ask Madison to watch their movie however after having to experience heartbreak from Ryan as he decided to ditch her for the fast-lane Hollywood life of being a Hollywood actor; she and Lindsay decided to ditch him as they enter the cinema without a hesitation or a pause while the My Scene guys on River, Sutton: Ellis and Hudson follow the girls suit--leaving a puzzled Ryan out on the red carpet.
"Exactly; Chaz--I just wish more people should watch what are they saying especially we don't know what does the other person is going through in his/ her life or rather; what are they experiencing in their own life here."
"That's what I was thinking." he said while he continue watching the TV.
"Mm-hmm."
As there is a moment of silence; I decided to take a sip of my cold cup of peppermint tea while Chaz is looking now at the running time on the DVD-Blu Ray Player we have here.
After the movie is finished, he got up to change the DVD to another My Scene movie which is 'Jammin in Jamaica'.
As the DVD-Blu Ray drive slides in; Chaz got back up on his original seat where it is now warm from his body temperature on where he is sitting on earlier; he pipes up by saying: "Sorry, I forget what are we talking here; do you know where we are now in the conversation?"
"Oh, you did mention about the part where people are trying to ignore their negative feelings by always looking at the bright side and having to be positive here all the time yet having to feel good or rather to feel the positive vibes only here; Chaz." I replied while pulling both of my legs closer to my body while hugging both of my knees.
"Yeah right." Said Chaz while he rolled his own pair of dark chocolate brown eyes in disapproval as well as shaking his head all at the same time just as when he imagine he heard that someone told him that he might not be good enough or ask him a question why does he plays volleyball yet making an insensitive yet an insulting comment that I felt as if I want to slap the person who made the insensitive yet an insulting comment hard for trying to create an image out of delusion and paranoia.
