Aloha and welcome back to another personal post where I am going to share about how I have an unproductive Wednesday and a terrible Thursday yet I am so fed up with today mentally and emotionally yet I did go off topic on how I am (Finally!) listening to the songs from Summer Walker's "Still over it" and having to talk about how Colbie Caillat does really soothes you down as you start visualizing a beautiful beach scenery whenever you are listening to any of Colbie Caillat's music as well.
Tumblr: https://aggold15hi01.tumblr.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GoallishaPaula
WNBA Tag on Tumblr: https://aggold15hi01.tumblr.com/post/668013145163513856/the-wnba-tag
WNBA Tag on my Blogspot: https://realpaulaleah4everwrites05.blogspot.com/2021/11/the-wnba-tag.html
Anyway; starting from there: Wednesday is not very productive for me yet there is nothing much for me to do ever since my last post the WNBA Tag I did and it can be found on both my Tumblr and my personal blog here as well as the link is mentioned in this post as it is above the second paragraph.
Wednesday is actually a very quiet day for me ever since I am staying at home yet there is nothing for me to do ever since the new house is still very much in process of the renovating the whole house yet we still hadn't gotten any new furnishings which I am still deeply praying because already; I am having the feeling of how I wanted to move out of the toxic environment as well as having to choose an environment where I can have a new and a fresh beginning ever since I don't want to talk about Puchong where my mom/ mum is so happy in both environment yet I am feeling really angry with her today. (More on that later.)
Plus Wednesday is an 'Okay' day for me although I just wish I am feeling more productive additionally I am planning to do a writing on a Fan Fiction--however it is considered to be unknown therefore I may be publishing it on my Tumblr but I don't know what interest is going to be under.
Anyway; at least I did have a what rather to be a 'Okay' however it is consider to be a good Wednesday just for me as for today on Thursday; Thursday is rather a very disappointing day for me because firstly; when I arrived to work: I have to restart the Internet work Modem and Route we have at the shop and then after that; secondly: I am becoming not intensely happy as I am ready to talk it out however my mum isn't happy with the way I am behaving today as she did remind me to check the washroom for any remains of blood ever since I am now on a period though. (I know I am not supposed to mention that however this is my blog thus I do have my own rights on mentioning it anyway ever since I don't have the time to simply try to hide it for the sake of anyone who reading this post on here FYI/ for your information therefore I do have the rights to write this blog post; edit blog post and having the rights to simply publish this post here thus thank you very much.)
Thirdly; what really throws me off even more is when she told me I need to control myself yet I am not happy with the way she uses her native tongue language to call my name and I am so not happy with the way she uses the 'Ah' at the front as first and then the word 'Nah' as the last word as I am very infuriated with how she did call my name with the 'Ah' and 'Nah' as it really threw me off plus I hated when she called me that because if she calls me that; I will become truly very triggered by my anger just as when you trigger the alarm security system when you break into someone's house.
But as I spoke angrily about how it annoys me a lot; she told me I need to control myself at work and this really angers me a lot as I felt as if she actually throwing me under the bus ever since I am going through something personal on today as she doesn't really get about what am I going through personally on today plus she thinks I am just being crazy; but no, I am not being crazy ever since I am starting to feel as if she is starting to trigger me more and more by the seconds; minutes and hours on today at work and that's when I felt as if she crumbles me up and when she wants to use the paper; she tries to smooth the crumbled paper she did crumbled it up earlier and now it doesn't look very smooth yet she tried to do it so many times out of frustration/ annoyance plus the crumbled paper doesn't even look smooth anymore and I am not completely happy with the way she did this to me today as I felt as if she is trying to spoil my day today and I'd think she definitely need to own her mistake by saying a heartfelt apology on a "I'm sorry" type of apology yet having the compassion on what I am going through yet I still felt really angry and trigger by her so much that I am not completely happy with the way she spoiled my day today and honestly, I'd think she is very much lacking the "True" compassion and the "True" empathy and it really drives me off plus this really makes me not want to do anything for today additionally if we were at the new home; I would definitely go for a walk at the park alone without her acknowledge on my whereabouts as you can tell my parents are very much of a pair of an overbearing parents which it does feels like a truly huge headache that I have to go through in my life.
Speaking of headache; you know I got a really painful headache today that I felt as if I don't want to simply continue on working or rather to do just about anything yet I felt as if today is the most painful day I have to go through this week additionally I am just not feeling happy with how my mum is trying to spoil me today here.
Plus other than telling me to do the spot check on the washroom for any spots on the remains of the blood and asking me to behave myself by controlling my mouth yet asking me who am I talking to additionally as well as having to spoil my day today; she also ask me to clean up the table area at the reception: I am not completely happy when she told me that the people from the MPSJ are going to do the spot check; this really threw me off even more and I felt really infuriated yet frustrated all at the same time as well; I am ready to scream at her to say the word 'F*** you' for spoiling my day yet having to make me looking so bad yet I am feeling so numb mentally and emotionally yet feeling intensely paralyzed too as well since my mum didn't mean to call my name with the 'Ah' at the front and the word 'nah' at the back yet asking me 'who am I talking to' yet asking me control myself by being on my best behavior additionally some more you ask me to keep the place clean because of the "Government" people of the MPSJ are going to do a spot check on our clinic to make sure our clinic is all fully clean yet I want to yell at them to 'GTFO' ever since it is causing me a very intense and a serious headache just as when a book character does gives you a very serious headache ever since he/ she doesn't change his/ her old ways yet they tried to play victim yet forgetting to be the bigger person by owning their own mistake and fault that they made and I felt really infuriated additionally I am feeling really sick, tired; exhausted; fatigued and flustered because I have to be very much on my "Best behavior" at the shop as a receptionist to treat other people as equally as possible yet treating them with nothing but equal respect; kindness and having to talk to someone whom I have an estranged relationship with for so many years since the very beginning yet you pointed your fingers towards me as "The bad guy" yet having to think I am I am the one who causes all of the problems yet you refuse to face your past as I am still feeling truthfully infuriated at you yet you think you can say 'I'm sorry" all you want yet you think you want to make your own daughter look like a bad guy as well as having to taint my reputation as well as making me look even more worse yet trying to destroy my life so that I am trying my best pick myself up and having to build myself up and learning how to live my own life as well as having to thrive in my very own life which is one of the hardest part I have do in my own life plus having depression or any type of mental illness isn't the type of excuse you can tried to put it up as you know that having depression is very different compared to having to point to the other person as you tried to paint yourself as the victim yet you are actually the bad guy of the story in here yet you want to blame your oldest daughter as the one who causes all of the problems here--shameful. (Really shameful; really shameful--this is why my family is no different with Nick Carter's Birth Family before he has his own family as I want to say this though since I did mention a small part about Nick Carter on his birth family; I want to send my condolence to him for the loss of his late sister Leslie Carter whom unfortunately passed away from an overdose yet it is deeply sad to hear how her life had been ended from an overdose yet you know the late Colt Brennan who is a Professional American Football Player as many of the fans know that he used to play for the University of Hawaii had died too from an overdose additionally on a much more serious note; I don't think Nick Carter is the one to be blamed for the death of his sister's overdose additionally I'd think the one who caused all of these type of problems has to be allegedly the mom and manager Jane Carter who is behind all of the evil; sickening and maddening yet a crazy and a menacing circus as she did the same to her younger son and Nick's younger brother Aaron Carter who is the guy I know he did stole a lion art from a German Artist yet another lion art he does [tried to] steal as well from a Maldivian artist whom is commonly known as Shimhaq on here yet he create nothing but making up stories out of lies, delusions and paranoia whenever he goes on his Instagram live.)
Anyway; you can tell today is not a truly very good day for me yet I felt as if I don't even want to do anything anyway ever since my mum had spoiled my day today and I felt as if I am not going to get any goodnight sleep tonight unfortunately as I may want to think of having to post something here tonight as the only good part of night is when I have a really good dinner from Starbucks where I managed to a really good Mac and Cheese from Starbucks as well as a cup of Chocolate Chip Frappuccino which is not something people would take for dinner as their ideal dinner however I just don't feel like taking something too heavy tonight to weight down my headache even more intensely plus I did manage to take a listen at three of the songs from Summer Walker's 'Still over it' on "Ex for a reason" which features JT from the City Girls plus "Toxic" featuring 'Lil Durk and "No love" featuring SZA and I got admit; the song is really good additionally I'd think I may want to listen to it a few times before I can choose one of my favorite songs however both "Toxic" featuring 'Lil Durk and "No love" featuring SZA are two of my favorite songs by far personally on Summer Walker's project on 'Still over it' as these two songs are the only songs that kept me going throughout the day as well as the night additionally those songs does have adult language that I wouldn't be recommending listening to it whenever you have really young children around because those songs does contain adult language of the curse/ swearing words thus be very careful whenever you have really young children around.
I don't even want to think about tomorrow at all ever since all I want to simply just focus on what I can do for now yet to do the Untitled Fan Fiction I am going to post it on my Tumblr and also I am going to post it here as well plus very soon I am going to do more chapters of 'A Polaroid; photographs and memories' here as well ever since I do wanted to do more writing lately however I don't want to focus on tomorrow or yesterday at all; point blank--period.
Also, I don't want to simply expect anything for tomorrow or anything at all because honestly it is so stupid to have your hopes and expectations up so high yet it does feels unreachable as well therefore all I want to do is to shut off my mind; focus on what I can control for now yet having to build myself up in addition to enjoy the songs I have listened to on today from Summer Walker's album "Still over it" plus maybe a lighter album on something from a really underrated musician yet she is a very talented musician yet she is someone I recommend to listen to her music for everybody [Including the elders and the young children] which is Colbie Caillat because she is one of the more underrated yet a really talented and a gifted musician who did songs on "Bubbly"; "Oxygen"; "Magic": "Realize"; "Brighter than the sun": "I do"; "Fallin' for you": "I got you"; "Dream life": "Droplets": "Live it up": "Blaze": "Never gonna let you down": "Try"; "Hold on": "Break Free"; "Nice guys"; "Just like that"; you name it on the Colbie Caillat songs that I enjoyed it so much as I wish she got more listeners on listening to her songs as I would think her songs are very soothing and calming after a really long; hard; tough and a complex day of work and yet you want to unwind down for the night and that's when her music [Colbie Caillat's music I am talking here] comes into your ears and you want to open your iTunes; Spotify; Tidal or Pandora or even dust off your CD player (Or Vinyl player if you are a person who prefers vinyl); play one of her CD albums and having to either unwind down or even to dance around your room; perhaps even sing it out loud or even to sing it along quietly or humming to the song quietly as I would think you guys need to listen to Colbie Caillat's music if you ever have a really tough day as I am one of the person who is late to listen to Colbie Caillat at first and now; as an older listener; I actually think her songs are very much giving you that relaxing vibes which makes you want to whisk away to a very beautiful tropical island where you want to simply listen to the sound of the waves crashing on the shores as you see how beautiful; radiant plus the stunningly wonderful; magically fantastic and the lovely the ocean is as you are relaxing/ lounging on a hammock; in a water chalet or just sitting down in a beach villas as you watch the waves crashing across the shore additionally you can smell the salty breeze through your nose additionally you inhale sharply plus when you are one with nature: you felt as if you are being at ease with yourself.
Plus on a very serious note: I am going to plan on posting a personal favorite Lo Fi Playlist as well on both Tumblr and on here as well ever since I wanted to post something ever since I am a really big fan on many different types of genre music as I perhaps think about doing some of my favorite songs on the two blogs that I am personally running yet hopefully I can do it personally really soon.
Anyway; this is a really long rant(y) post I wanted to share here on my blog additionally although I didn't meant to go off topic and all however I still wanted to share something personal on here yet I am going to do a post as either a physical copy in my own personal diary/ journal that I have or rather a digital copy on my Pages as I wanted to share something plus the post on Tumblr will be either up on Saturday; Monday or Tuesday. (Won't be posting on Sunday because I wanted to take the time off yet having to read the good books that I have bought on last Sunday yet I am going unwind myself on every Sundays by reading a good book yet having to go out depends on where my parents are going because if they are going to somewhere I didn't felt interested in then this is where I am going to post it up on Sunday but it may take up a few days thus it will be either up on Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday if I am feeling very tired yet I wanted to have the time to take really good care of myself thus I'll update it on my Twitter where I did tweet every single day based on my day-to-day life as well as having to post the interesting links I have found on the accounts that I am following there which is mostly based on the best interest I actually love the most and the best at heart in particular.)
Anyway; this is a really off-topic type of posts as usually my personal posts would normally be very off-topic ever since I am not going to simply stick with one specific topic at the time yet I am going to start talking about so many different topics that I wanted to talk about based on what I like best personally here.
Take care of yourself and goodnight for now; aloha.
