Author’s note: This is a work of fan fiction however this fan fiction does cope with mentions of Seasonal Affective Disorder, mentions on the signs of becoming burn out; having the suffer from the drainage of energy additionally having to deal with self-abuse on abusing yourself with the positive energy and not having to deal with the negative feelings in our life.
If you or anyone you know had suffered from any signs of distress from; please contact from the list of helpline below.
Part 3 of this really long writing post here.
This is the part where they talk about how it is easy for us human beings to become a bully yet having to endure self-abuse by trying to abuse yourself to be positive whilst watching 'My Scene: Jammin in Jamaica' movie on TV plus having to learn how to feel and experience the negative feelings here.
Part 1: https://realpaulaleah4everwrites05.blogspot.com/2021/12/late-night-talk-on-mental-health-mental.html
Disclaimer: This is only a work of a fiction therefore there is no need to take it seriously as if this happens in real life.
"I know, people these days . . . just being so easy to judge but hard to ask question about their business." I moan unhappily about I felt the similarities on how I explain about my past but then people think I am either being too spoiled to be in Hawaii or they did call me a 'Daddy's little spoiled princess in Hawaii' for having to move to Hawaii and being in Hawaii for my studies as well as living there ever since Hawaii is one of the more expensive places for anybody to live there as well as having a number of homeless people in certain area where nobody wants to see or hear about Hawaii ever since they are too busy caring the beaches; the scenery, the activities they didn't want to miss it out; the delicious food we have in Hawaii and the shopping as well as the entertainment of the traditional dance performances, experiencing their culture; going to a luau additionally for certain people--it may be the night clubbing added to their list too.
Plus people have tried to ask me question about why I would rather not talk about my own mom or my younger brother however we have an estranged relationship between each other just as when my dad had an estranged relationship with her and he still feels angry about why would she want to abort me.
In addition, I seldom spoke about my family except for my dad though I wouldn't want to trade him for anyone or anybody else at all. After all, he may be a British Citizen however when he arrived to USA; he wanted to raise a family there instead of raising a family back home in the United Kingdom.
"Geez, you can say that again: people nowadays." He groans unhappily as he press the 'play movie' option on the DVD menu by pressing the 'Okay' button on the DVD-Blu Ray player remote control.
"Wow; yeah: people can be so . . . cruel nowadays." I replied unhappily to match Chaz's tone ever since I know he couldn't stand the toxic positivity comment where so many people try to deflect the negative feeling we may experience with nothing but a back-handed support by commenting an insensitive yet a deflective positive comment to deflect back on the negative experience we may have gone through in our life.
"Ugh, tell me about it--what such a world full of apathetic people especially if they are all about focusing on one side of the things especially on the positive stuff only however it does feel toxic at times ever since you never know how you may suffer from the mental illness that would silently get the best of you and murder you plus it is so heartbreaking to see so many people these days having to suffer from their mental illness however when they tried to hide their emotions and the experience they have to go through in their life with the words on "I'm fine"; it makes me feeling truly feeling concerned about the person's mental health condition is ever since we don't know how the person is feeling in particular based on their mental health condition here." He replied, now sounding truthfully concerned here.
"Exactly, we just don't know how the person is based on what the person is going through or even their family or friends here." I added ever since he sounded a lot less angry and his voice have become more soft spoken now after how I mentioned on how people can sadly be cruel nowadays.
"Yeah, but sometimes we don't know what does the person is going through in their own life nevertheless the question all I can think of is 'why would this person would become a bully' and 'what makes this person to become a bully?"
"I don't know but whatever the case; Chaz--I'd think there are so many people who may not know that they do have something inside them however they ended up turning themselves into a person that they actually didn't want to be in particular."
"I'm with you on this one; I'm not too sure about the reason why the person would ended up becoming a very different person however instead; I'd think they may need to understood that they have good quality inside them however instead they ended up going to the dark side of their own life as they become a very different person here."
"Yeah, I agree."
As we now watch 'Jammin in Jamaica' which Chaz manage to turn it on properly as Chelsea and Barbie are selling the jackets and bracelets she (Chelsea) have made for the Beat to Beat music event while Nolee walks the number of dogs to get the money therefore the girls can get the money to go on a trip to Jamaica meanwhile Chaz and I--we both quietly sit down together to watch the movie.
Well that is until . . . Chaz whispers my name: "Paula."
I looked at him but didn't say anything.
"Paula."
"Hmmm?" I ask while the TV is now showing the scene where Chelsea is now driving the purple car while Barbie calls River as Nolee is turning on the GPS to search for the location of the hotel where the boys moreover the two girls whom they decided to bring: Madison and Delancey on where they are staying in Jamaica.
"I just want to let you know something."
"Oh okay, what is that?"
"You know what I have mentioned earlier about how whenever we do feel negative at times but instead we ended up trying to force ourselves or rather abusing ourselves with nothing but deflecting on the negative energy and trying to stay positive and be positive all the time here?"
"I'm sorry but can you repeat it for me?"
"I know it is really early in the morning but you do remember what I talk about how people at times tried to stay positive and be happy and be good all the time yet they don't understand about how do they feel negative energy and the negative feeling yet . . ."
"They are trying to abuse themselves with the positive energy or having to feel good vibes only except they ended up burning themselves up mentally and emotionally yet . . ."
"Spiritually as well." We both finished our sentence together just as when we are supposed to said the word individually by one of us however instead we ended up saying it together instantly as our voices blended together while we chorus the word 'Spiritually' as it makes me think of how when a person makes a cup of coffee; that's when he/ she pour a half cup/ glass of coconut milk into the coffee and then it is stirred properly to create a lovely hot cup of coffee anybody wants in the morning.
"Oh." We both chorused together then ended up laughing together.
"I didn't . . . I didn't know what to say Chaz, but what you said earlier about people ignoring the negative feeling we may be experiencing yet having to forcing ourselves to be positive instead additionally having to mentally pinching your own skin to force yourself to be positive additionally having to be having to be happy, be strong and having to hide your emotions does really felt emotionally; mentally and . . ."
"And . . ." Said Chaz while he stare at me with pair of sparkling dark chocolate brown eyes which reminds me of how he may want to bring me on either surfing in Waikiki in the morning; going for a road trip by going around the whole island of Oahu starting from the early morning hours until when it is time for us to go back to Waikiki either during the spring break or the beginning of the summer break where Chaz want to drive the Ice Blue Automatic Subaru Car I got yet I only had use it to only drive it to the Honolulu area or whenever he is busy with his classes at the University of Hawaii; I would definitely go for a drive to anywhere outside of Honolulu or Waikiki as long as I am being a careful and a safe driver ever since I manage to get my drivers license for the very first time ever since my junior sophomore year.
(*I'll definitely write on the fictional road trips that I ever did in Oahu, Hawaii ever since I felt as if I need to start focusing on writing more and less about something I couldn't control here.)
"And spiritually." We both chorused again and then we ended laughing even more.
"Exactly," We Chorused again then we started laughing even harder than we earlier did.
"Anyway, so you did told me that when people are ignoring the negative feelings that is considered to be an emotional abuse; mental abuse . . ."
"And spiritual abuse I mean why would anyone want to think of simply just trying to be positive all the time I mean if you can't be positive all the time then don't simply abuse yourself or rather beat yourself by having to tell yourself 'You got to be positive'; 'Just be happy [with just the way you are]/ [with yourself]'; 'Don't beat yourself up'/ 'Don't be so hard on yourself': 'Just stay positive and be positive (here/ all the time)'; 'Don't be so negative [All the time]': 'Forget the negative feelings'; 'You got to be positive [all the time/ now]' and so on and so forth about how you are abusing yourself and your own mental health by letting yourself to be positive most of the time plus forgetting about giving yourself the time to simply feel the negative energy and having to simply go through the pain you may have been suffering however that doesn't mean you got to be negative all the time."
"Additionally you can't force yourself to be negative all the time too however if you ended up forcing yourself to be positive all the time then you'll ended up abusing yourself even more mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well instead . . ."
"Take all of the time to sit with the individual pain plus the pity you have to endure in your own life that is until you are truthfully comfortable enough to share it with others ever since sometimes the amount of pain you have to go through mentally, emotionally and spiritually does felt very painful at times thus it may not be an instant quick recovery here--instead it does take a really long time to . . ."
"To recover from all of the pain you have to very much go through in your own life and all however I felt as if I tend to get truly irritated by how so many of us have to deflect back on the emotional and mental pain plus the mental trauma we have to very much go through in our life yet so many of us deflect the negative feeling, the negative energy; the mental pain and trauma we have to very much go through in our own life as it is part of our life by abusing ourselves with nothing but destructing ourselves with nothing but forcing to be positive or to be happy or even to give an unhelpful; back handed yet an insensitive comments about trying to be happy, trying to be positive . . ."
"Or to be both." I finished the comment and sentence for Chaz as he gives me a faithful yet a loving; kind-hearted: raw, unguarded; unbiased and a truthful plus an authentic smile that reminds me of how when the spring season has finally arrived in both Seattle, Washington State and Hawaii as the sun has finally rise so early in the morning (Not too early in the spring because normally the sun only rises intensely early during the summer season here); it melts away all of the snow in Seattle and animals have become awake after a long winter of hibernation plus there is new life around nature in the number of national parks of Washington State while in Hawaii, there is longer day light hours which makes it easier for everybody to on a hiking trail (As long as the weather stays clear and sunny!) plus they can get to stay in the water to either surf, swim or relax in the water for a long period of time [Normally it is definitely summer where they would surf for a really long period of time while the fall-autumn or winter season where although it may have a tropical climate however with the short amount of day light hours--it is hard to simply stay in the water for a long period of time plus ladies now have to become more and more aware about where they are actually traveling especially there are so many areas where it has many cases on a high number of crime where they can target ladies easily especially if they brought anything valuable and precious yet it would best to minimize the amount of valuable item to only the necessary items you want to bring it with you additionally make sure you travel either in a group or with a male partner especially if you are going to areas where I would highly avoid during the after dark hours.] additionally to spend more time outdoors ever since spring is the time when there are the long[er] day light hours compared to the fall-autumn and winter season where there are the shorter day light hours.
Honestly, looking at Chaz's sparkling pair of dark chocolate brown eyes which reminds me of a hot cup of coffee with a half glass of coconut milk as a replacement to a creamer additionally having to put honey in the hot cup of coffee plus adding a couple of ice cubes into the drink which it turns into an iced coffee plus his beautiful, raw; unguarded and unbiased yet kind-hearted and acknowledging smile reminds me of a beautiful spring day in Seattle where the cherry blossom flowers blooms in the spring back in the cool climate of Seattle or either the long, sunny; clear days on the tropical islands of Hawaii ever since I felt as when he offer me this type of smile; it makes me remember about the time when we first met back in San Diego when he had genuine concern about how am I doing and now; look where we are now: we both are now in a very happy; healthy and a loving yet a strong and secure relationship between the both of us here.
"Exactly, and Chaz--I just want to say 'I love you'."
"For what?" He ask me; looking at me: feeling truly puzzled about what I am saying here.
"For sharing with me about the advices that people may not acknowledge about the part where how do we need to learn how to have the time to simply give ourselves the time to wallow in the negative feeling yet many of us ended up having to abuse ourselves or destruct ourselves with nothing but a lot of positive energy which unfortunately does more harm than good ever since many people think . . ."
"It is good to be good and to feel good although it does tend to get really toxic at times ever since it does considered to be hugely destructive and harmful yet unhealthy at times ever since they didn't even bother about having to simply think about having to immerse themselves into the murky waters of the negative emotions since . . ."
"All they want to do is pretend to be happy and everything is just perfectly fine by saying the two words on 'I'm fine' although . . ."
"It can get painful at times but abusing yourself with the positive vibes only can be very . . ."
"Harmful and toxic." We both said it at the same time while we are looking at each other with a very serious look on our face however there are no giggles or laugh after we both said at the same time as we chorused the words together additionally we felt it is something serious/ critical yet/ plus it couldn't be something to be overlooked ever since all too often; many of us ended up hurt ourselves by forcing ourselves to be happy, be strong and be positive yet not acknowledging that it does hurt more yet it feels abusive all at the same time plus it can actually cause more real harm than good here.
